i smell like cigarettes. people made me smell like alcohol. i am disgusted with myself.
my hair is messy and gross. people jumping around, people drinking, this man rubbing himself against me, it repulsed me, it scared me so much. late night partying isn't my type of thing.
i got to see some beautiful expositions though.
i have huge eyebags from not sleeping all night.
but i spent 21 hours of quality time with Laine and Kevin. :)
I'm so lazy that I screwed myself over. :( I procrastinated. Now I have so many assignments due.
I just did my photoshop homework. I did humanities. I have a rédaction tmrw. In the morning, I'll do my clay sculpture due thursday. In the afternoon, I'll continue it if I'm not done. I will go to Omer as well to buy the papier Ingres for thursday. I will do the chair now due thursday morning. Tomorrow, I will put the platre inside my sculpture due monday. SIGH.
we made cookies afterwards :) it was the second time she took pictures of me. i just acted silly all the way :D and she made me pose with a bottle of alcohol HAHAHA. she also wanted to do a revealing shoot. :)
I squinted my eyes as much as I could. I hoped that through my effort I could see them, or maybe I just did not look hard enough. They simply were not there tonight.
I feel disconnected. I feel lost and confused. I am not aware of my actions. I walk aimlessly to school. Honestly, I don't even know how I managed to get to a destination without realising what I'm really doing. I guess I'm able to get to school because I remember it as a habit.
I made oatmeal cookies. Michuu dropped by to wish me a happy new year and gave me an iced cappuccino. AWW. :) Laine and Matt came by to see me make cookies. Laine slept over because she couldn't go home. We slept at 5AM and woke up at 8. I'm so incredibly tired, but I had a good day. I bought a pair of Uggs! And they're PINK! I am in love with them. :)
aw crap. i didn't think it would upload this big. LOL. i look really tired on that. BUT LOOK AT THE UGGS I am going out to eat dinner with my family at 8. It's Chinese New year! YAY! :)
I started working on the color wheel and I only took a picture when I started to work on it. I should have taken a finished picture before I gave it in :T My theme was vintage.
Of course, right now, my color wheel looks NOTHING like that picture :P It's so much better :)
I can taste the sweetness melt on my tongue, I can nearly taste your kiss, feel your breath, it's so sickeningly sweet it could almost rot my teeth.
I could feel the burning light on my back, overshadowing my figure, I lowered my head in defeat, I could only trace the black contour of my frame, with my eyes, I tried to feel the brightest star.
as I helplessly headed towards a long day, only to come out in the dark, with my shoulders deflated, surrounded by silent walking figures, and crowds having a fit. When I finally severed my tie with the outside world, the noise, the commotion, I walked towards the dark, avoiding the lights, the lamposts, I looked up. I could only see them in the dark.
Only in the dark can I admire all of you.
I lifted my head, way high up, unusually, I could almost lose my balance, and lose all of it. They were calling out for me, but my voice isn't strong enough to reach them.
In the early dim sky, there were no feelings, I looked up to see a crisp grey backdrop, the only warmth was led on by my breath, every inhale I take, the more warmth I lost, every exhale I let go, the more life slips away from my lips,
I looked down to stare at the black shaking ground, I look up and stare out the windows, I don't see the portrait of the sun like I usually do, it doesn't greet me like it usually does, it can't greet me because the clouds are sniding their frustrations, I saw the reflections of the pillars across the icy waters, across the scattered pieces of thin ice, it was cold and dead.
I had a long day today. I'll write about it tomorrow night.
I did two autoportrait with drawing pencils. One of them with strokes, the other one with blending. I'll post pictures tmrw.
Love, Sylvia
EDIT:
I had my humanities class. It was long. :T Afterwards, I bought my art supplies at the school store. I went to the Omer Deserres at Eaton Center as well. I bought my gesso, this gel medium/flexible molding paste, woodless 6B graphite, some fusain en branche. This cost me 45$. At school, I bought so much crap, and I don't even remember how much it cost me now. It's alright! I'm going to work it off! :D
I went to Eaton, and I met up with Matt. He was waiting for his friend Kris, and I was waiting for Laine to come. I bought myself a medium coffee. They put so much sugar in it. It tasted horrible. Much too sweet. I had a slight headache from the overdose. :T
I met a new friend. His name is Viet. It turns out we are similar in some ways. It's really fun to be friends with him. :] We talked about lots, and one thing that marked me was the artists he named when we talked about our taste in music. He said Salyu. I was curious so I checked it out online. It turns out... that she is like... OH-MY-GOODNESS-SHE-IS-AMAZING!!! I LOVE HER! I FELL IN LOVE WITH HER VOICE!
Lately, I'm so inspired. So much that I feel like it's overflowing out of me, it's literally pouring out of me, and I'm sad because I can't keep it in. I have a somewhat bad memory, so I may not remember it after some time. It frustrates me to know that I will not be able to produce what I felt. I don't know what I'm feeling, but this feeling I have inside of me... it makes me feel alive. It gives me strength, it provides me meaning, it makes me feel like I'm living for something, for a reason. I don't know if this feeling can be considered being inspired. It feels like being in love... but if I were in love, I'd be in love with the idea of being in love with feelings and the sky.
I am in love with the sky. I feel like it is a whole other entity, like my equal. It moves, it breathes, it bleeds. At night, I feel like... I'm all alone, just me and my sky. I don't know how to express myself in words. At least, not accurately, and certainly not about these kinds of feelings. So, I am certainly unable to show how good it feels to be alone outside just staring into the depth of the sky. I feel like... the sky is staring into me, and I feel like I can see through it and see further. I can see in it, and feel its beating. It's like... an intimate feeling. I feel so sad when I step back into my house every night. It's like I'm stepping back into the world, the noise, the commotion. When I go to bed, I hear my house creak. I inhale, and I look out my window. When I wake up in the morning, there's a rush. It's so noisy, there's so much going on that I never hear myself think. When I step out of the house, I always look up first. I look at the sky and see how it's doing. When I take the bus and it crosses over the bridge, I love to look at the reflection of the sky on the surface of the water. I see how the sun slowly invades the sky and makes it bleed through the clouds. I see its reflection beaming across the waters. I feel like the sky is giving me a reassuring smile every morning and it brightens me up before I step back into my numbing routine of a life.
I looked straight ahead of me. There was a deafening silence ringing in my ears; it soothes me. I took a glimpse at the many glistening stars, flowing in the deep blue sky, all dancing above my eyes, glimmering for my eyes, but I could only see one. I stared straight ahead of me, I could only follow the brightest one. It is as if the others were green in envy, they fell, in attempt to get closer, they fell to their depth; like shooting stars, they dimmed away, as you still reflected my eyes.
I try to keep my grasp on your wrist, I don't ever want to let you go. I only had eyes for the brightest star.
If I could, I would raise my arms, and stretch them wide, I would look up to stare at how my arm sways when I twine it, as if I was using my fingers to draw a line among the stars, to pull a thread, to reach out and capture the glittering star in my palm.
I slowly laid my hand down, enough so that my fingertips touched my forehead, I gasped at the cold touch, and I closed my eyes wishing I had someone who could bring me warmth. In a breath's time, I held in all that I could before I slowly opened my eyes, only to realise I was standing alone under the night, under the white flurries settling on the dead cold ground. I slowly blinked my eyes, only to see that the brightest star was looking down on me, I took another breath in, and I took one last glimpse before I whispered it goodbye, until tomorrow's night.
For my birthday, we went to Ceramics. I painted a latte mug! I LOVE IT! :) It had to be the perfect mug :D This is Matt's failed flames. :P Matt trying his best :P I love painting my mug! :D Laine was painting an angel for her music box :D The palette is so cute. :) Pastel colored. :D Love me! Love me! LOVE ME!
It was really bright. And Matt tried to snapshot our horrible faces. :( Me and LAine :) Matt looks ridiculous. HAHAHA. PENGUINS! :) Laine is so cute :D
Before we went to Ceramics, we went to Jean-Drapeau and we walked around. There was a Fete des Neiges. I don't really know what it was, but Laine and Matt dragged me there. :) It was fun! I tried taffy for the first time! It was so sweet and sticky : D The sun was so bright and high up in the sky. The brightness was reflected on the snow. I was so blind. I look like an idiot. Well, so did Laine. TEEHEE. :D
These walls were not meant to shut out problems. You have to face them. You have to live the life you were born to live. Mother Abbess, The Sound Of Music
My art is instinctive, expressive and reflective of my soul. It feels for me, it thinks for me, it moves for me, it speaks for me.
I paint to influence, to move, to feel and to express my feelings.
The emotions are sometimes so strong that I work without knowing it. The strokes come like speech.*Vincent van Gogh
The only time I feel alive is when I'm painting.*Vincent can Gogh
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My name is Sylvia. I'm 19 years old. I go where my hearts leads me to, and at this moment, it's beating for arts. It allows me to learn, to see, to explore, to discover things about the world, and about me. I wish to live my life well and to be able to express my voice in all possible forms.more?
